Selfishness is key to success… and helping people is stupid?!
Did you ever think you’d come across something that’ll link helping others with stupidity? And success with selfishness?
Most probably not.
But here it is. And you’re upset. Simply because it hurts, right?
Well, bear with me, and I’ll clarify.
Truth is, I know you love helping people. And I really wish there was some other way to say it (I swear to god), but dammit, there’s isn’t any!
And to be honest with you, I was shit-scared that you might hate me for saying this, but I had to take it off of my chest… for a simple, straightforward reason:
I just couldn’t LIE to you (unlike so many others)!
So, please forgive me for being blunt, but here’s the truth: helping people is the stupidest thing you can do.
Now… am I trying to insult you, mock you, or undermine your good intentions?
Of course, not!
I know you have a heart full of love and compassion. And you’re so keen to help others that you’ve earned the nickname, the ‘Go to Guy.’ People know they can rely on you whenever they need help—with anything!
Your cousin can borrow your bike anytime he wished. Your friends can ask you for money whenever they need to. And your classmates can phone you at even 2 in the morning if they need your help with assignments.
People consider you the most helpful guy around, and rightly so. Simply because you’re always eager to help family, friends, and classmates… even strangers.
But, quite often, you wonder why you aren’t as successful as others—why your ‘good karma’ is not rewarding you?
“Maybe it’s just luck. Not everybody can be successful in life,” you console yourself.
But deep down in your heart, you know you’re lying to yourself.
What if your ‘helping nature’ is your own worst enemy? What if ‘success’ demands that you do certain things differently? And what if you’re avoiding the very thing you need the most to get successful?
What If I Told You, ‘Selfishness is Key to Success?’
Let me ask you:
How would you feel if I told you that selfishness is key to success? Would you be surprised?
“Selfishness is key to success? OMG!? Do you have to be selfish to be successful?”
In a selfish world, the selfish succeed, haven’t you heard that?
“I can’t do that.”
Why? Don’t you want to be successful?
“I do . . . but . . . .”
“I don’t know. I mean, be selfish for being successful? No. It’s wrong.”
Okay, let me explain what it actually means to be selfish.
What Does It Mean to Be Selfish?
It simply means that you take care of your needs, desires, and wants. You do what you think is right for you without caring (much) what others think of you.
That’s it! Nothing more, nothing less.
A selfish person takes good care of his body, mind, and soul. He knows that he’s not here to fix the world, or help others, or sacrifice himself so others could thrive and flourish.
In other words, he does not suffer from Savior Syndrome. You know who a savior is, right? A person who tries to save others and eventually fails to save even himself.
Basically, a selfish person knows that the only way to help others (without even doing it) is to be joyful.
He knows that he cannot inspire others to do the same unless he enjoys his own life first. He realizes that the only way to lead people is to ‘lead by example.’
And by the way, helping others is not your job. In fact, if some ‘help’ happens on its own, it’s all well and good. And if no such thing happens, well, that’s good too.
Do you know why? Because you’re not responsible for other people’s actions, anyway.
To put it in the words of Abraham Hicks:
Don’t try to save the world. Save yourself.
When you help others, you focus on the lack of something—that’s why people need help, to begin with, because they don’t have a certain thing, right?
(The Sutra (in English, people call it the Law of Attraction) says, what you pay your attention to, expands.)
So, when you’re helping others, you’re focusing on something missing, something that’s not there. And, as a result, you create more lack, more circumstances where people need more and more help.
Essentially, the more you help people, the more people need help.
It’s a vicious circle.
The good news?
You can come out of it—by embracing selfishness.
“If Selfishness is Key to Success And I Have to Be Selfish to Be Successful, Why People Condemn It?”
Because they want to use you.
The thing is: When people say it’s wrong to be selfish, what they’re actually saying is that you should not focus on making yourself happy. Rather, you should do everything you possibly can to make them happy.
(It’s like, “Oh, you wanna jerk off. Great! Me too. Here… use mine instead of yours.)
That’s some screwed-up logic right there! And that’s not all—there’s more:
You look down upon selfishness because you believe that being selfish and being mean are the same things.
Well, sorry to disappoint you, but they aren’t.
Selfish Vs. Mean
A selfish person focuses on himself (and only himself). He has nothing to do with others.
On the other hand, a mean (asshole) is a person who exploits others to get what he wants.
Let me clarify.
A selfish person depends upon himself. His selfishness has nothing to do with others.
On the other hand, a mean person cannot survive on his own because his existence depends on others. He needs other people so he could use them for personal gains.
Being Selfish Makes You Uncomfortable?
Look: I understand why you’re unwilling to become selfish to get successful.
It’s because you were conditioned against selfishness, right? Correct me if I’m wrong. In fact, you feel guilty the moment you think of becoming selfish. You know what? It’s normal to feel uncomfortable about being selfish, at least in a country like ours—Bharat, where most people hold sacrificing one’s own life for others as ‘sacred’ or ‘noble.’
Sacrifice your life for your family, for your religion, and your country. Just don’t focus on yourself. Do something for others and even die serving others if you had to.
Now, think about it for a moment:
You’re being convinced that it’s OK to sacrifice your happiness, your joy, even your life for others. So, what’s the hidden message here? It is this: You don’t matter. Otherwise, why isn’t anybody asking you to live? Like really live—with joy, with bliss, and with happiness.
I’ll tell you why.
Because people need scapegoats to fulfill their own agendas, satisfy their vested interests, and achieve their personal ambitions.
Yes, that’s exactly what it is.
Now, I know it goes against traditional values and conditioning, but the fact is that your world exists because of you. The day you cease to exist, your world ceases to exist, too. Therefore, you are the most important person in your life. So, take good, I mean, very good care of yourself.
Why Become Selfish?
Do you want to change the world? Make a difference?
Well, I have some bad news for you:
For a simple reason:
The world does not want you to change it. And even if it wanted your help, you could not have helped it anyway.
You know why?
Because you cannot control how people behave, you cannot take responsibility for others’ actions. You cannot decide who becomes happy and who remains sad.
And that’s where individual freedom or ‘free will’ comes in:
People are free to remain happy or become sad because if people are forced to remain happy, that’d be (a pleasant one), but still, bondage.
(Happiness is valuable as long as you have the choice to get sad.)
And the world works on freedom, not on bondage. So whatever you want to do, or be. You can.
So, you can try hard to change the world and create misery for yourself if that’s what you want. Or you can focus on changing yourself because the only person in the world you can control is you. When you change, when you become joyful, then, without even knowing it, you raise the vibration of people around you.
But you don’t do it.
It happens on its own.
Why Waste Energy Helping People When You Could Inspire Them?
But I understand if you still won’t give up helping people, because as I see it, helping people is addictive. And for a good reason:
When you help somebody, you feel good.
Your ego strengthens.
You start believing you’re unique—an extraordinary person, a special soul. And if you see deeply, helping others is sadistic. It’s more about taking pleasure in someone’s pain than helping them get rid of the pain itself. (Hard words, I know).
So, that’s why, if you really, really want to help others, then don’t motivate, rather inspire them.
Become selfish. Work on yourself. Let your joy, bliss, and ecstasy be an example for others to follow.
In other words: Don’t sell it to them. Let them buy it.
Selfishness, Success, and Helping Others Don’t Go Together
Of course, you can choose to ignore that selfishness is key to success and instead believe that helping others is noble, but it will do you no good.
It never has.
Selfishness or helping others? The choice is yours.
And, if you decide that you shall become a selfish person from now on, remember this: Embracing selfishness takes time.
But that’s alright.
Keep reminding yourself that it’s OK to be selfish.
You’re not here to help people. Or to become a ‘hero’ (leave that crap to Spiderman). And you’re definitely not here to ‘save the world.’
You are here to… live your life!