Helping people is a stupid idea.
Did you ever think you’d come across something like that?
I bet you didn’t.
But here it is. And you’re upset. Simply because it hurts, right?
Well, bear with me, and I’ll clarify.
You see, I know that you love helping people. And I really wish there was some other (less direct) way to say it (I swear to god). But dammit, there’s isn’t any!
And to be honest with you, I was shit-scared that you might hate me for saying this, but I had to take it off of my chest anyway, for a simple, straightforward reason:
I just couldn’t LIE to you (unlike so many others)!
So, please forgive me for being blunt, but here’s the truth: helping people is the stupidest thing you can do.
Now… am I trying to insult you, mock you, or undermine your good intentions?
Of course, not!
I know you have a heart full of love and compassion. And you’re so keen to help others that you’ve earned the nickname, the “Go to Guy.”
People know they can rely on you whenever they need help—with anything!
Your cousin can borrow your bike anytime he wished. Your friends can ask you for money whenever they feel like it. And your classmates can phone you at even 2 in the morning if they need your help.
People consider you the most helpful guy around, and rightly so:
You’re always eager to help family, friends, and classmates, even strangers.
But, quite often, you wonder why you aren’t as successful as others—why your good karma is not rewarding you?
“Maybe it’s just luck. Not everybody can be successful in life,” you console yourself.
But deep down in your heart, you know you’re lying to yourself.
What if your “helping nature” is your own worst enemy? What if “success” demands that you do certain things differently? And what if you’re avoiding the very thing that you need the most to get successful?
What Exactly You Need to Become Successful?
Let me ask you:
How would you feel if I told you that selfishness is key to success?
Would you be surprised?
“Selfishness? OMG!? Do you have to be selfish to be successful?”
In a selfish world the selfish succeed, haven’t you heard that?
“I can’t do that.”
Why? Don’t you want to be successful?
“I do . . . but . . . .”
“I don’t know. I mean, be selfish for being successful? No. It’s wrong.”
Okay, let me explain what it actually means to be selfish.
What Does It Mean to Be Selfish?
It simply means that you take care of your needs, desires, and wants.
You do what you think is right for you without caring what others think of you.
That’s it—nothing more, nothing less.
A selfish person takes good care of his body, mind, and soul. He knows that he’s not here to fix the world, or help others, or sacrifice himself so others could thrive.
In other words, he does not suffer from Savior Syndrome.
You know who a savior is, right? A person who tries to save others and eventually fails to save even himself.
Basically, a selfish person knows that the only way to help others (without even doing it) is to be joyful. He knows that he cannot inspire others to do the same unless he enjoys his own life.
And by the way, helping others is not your job. So if some “help” happens on its own, it’s good because you’re not responsible for other people’s actions, anyway.
To put it in the words of Abraham Hicks:
Don’t try to save the world. Save yourself.
When you help others, you focus on the lack of something—that’s why people need help, to begin with, because they don’t have a certain thing, right?
The Sutra (in English, people call it the Law of Attraction) says, what you pay your attention to, expands.
So, when you’re helping others, you’re focusing on something missing, something that’s not there. And, as a result, you create more lack, more circumstances where people need more and more help.
Essentially, the more you help people, the more people need help.
It’s a vicious circle.
The good news?
Come closer. Listen: you can come out of it—by embracing selfishness.
“If I Have to Be Selfish to Be Successful, Why People Condemn It?”
Because they want to use you.
When people say it’s wrong to be selfish, they are actually saying that you should not focus on making yourself happy. Rather, you should do everything you possibly can to make them happy.
(It’s like, “Oh, you wanna jerk off. Great. Me too. Here… use mine instead of yours.)
That’s some screwed-up logic right there!
And that’s not all—there’s more:
You look down upon selfishness because you believe that being selfish and being mean are the same things.
Sorry to disappoint you. They aren’t.
Selfish Vs. Mean
A selfish person focuses on himself (and only himself). He has nothing to do with others.
On the other hand, a mean (asshole) is a person who exploits others to get what he wants.
Let me clarify.
A selfish person depends upon himself. His selfishness has nothing to do with others.
And a mean person cannot survive on his own because his existence depends on others. He needs other people so he could use them for personal gains.
Being Selfish Makes You Uncomfortable?
Look: I understand why you’re unwilling to become selfish to get successful.
It’s because you were conditioned against selfishness. Tell me if I’m wrong.
In fact, you feel guilty the moment you think of it, right? Well, it’s normal to feel uncomfortable about being selfish, at least in a country like ours—Bharat, where most people hold sacrificing one’s own life for others as sacred.
Sacrifice your life for your family, for your religion, and your country. Don’t focus on yourself, do something for others, even die serving others if you had to.
Now, think about it for a moment.
You’re being convinced that it’s OK to sacrifice your happiness, your joy, even your life. Essentially, the hidden message here is that you don’t matter. Otherwise, why isn’t anybody asking you to live? Like really live—with joy, with bliss, and with happiness.
I’ll tell you why.
Because people need scapegoats to fulfill their own agendas, satisfy their vested interests, and achieve their personal ambitions.
Let that sink in.
I know it goes against traditional values and conditioning, but the fact is that your world exists because of you. The day you cease to exist, your world ceases to exist, too. Therefore, you are the most important person in your life. So, take good care of yourself.
Why Become Selfish?
Do you want to change the world?
Well, I have some bad news for you:
You can’t because the world does not want you to change it.
And even if it wanted your help, you could not have helped it anyway.
You know why?
Because you cannot control how people behave, you cannot take responsibility for others’ actions. You cannot decide who becomes happy and who remains sad.
And that’s where individual freedom comes in. People are free to remain happy or become sad because if people are forced to remain happy, it is bondage.
(Happiness is valuable as long as you have the choice to get sad).
And the world works on freedom, not on bondage. So whatever you want to do, or be. You can.
So, you can try hard to change the world and create misery for yourself if that’s what you wanted. Or you can focus on changing yourself because the only person in the world you can control is you.
When you change, when you become joyful, then, without even knowing it, you raise the vibration of people around you. But you don’t do it. It happens on its own.
Why Motivate People When You Could Inspire Them
But I understand if you still won’t give up helping people, because as I see it, helping people is addictive. And for a good reason:
When you help somebody, you feel good. Your ego strengthens. You start believing you’re unique—an extraordinary person, a special soul.
If you see deeply, helping others is sadistic. It’s more about taking pleasure in someone’s pain than helping them get rid of the pain itself. (Hard words, I know).
And that’s why, if you really, really want to help others, then don’t motivate, rather inspire them.
Become selfish. Work on yourself. Let your joy, bliss, and ecstasy be an example for others to follow.
In other words: Don’t sell it to them. Let them buy it.
Selfishness, Success, and Helping Others Don’t Go Together
Of course, you can choose to believe selfishness is evil, and helping others is noble, but it will do you no good.
It never has.
Oh, and yes, If you decide that from now on you shall become a selfish person, remember this:
Embracing selfishness takes time.
But that’s alright.
Keep reminding yourself that it’s OK to be selfish.
You’re not here to help people. Or to become a “hero” (leave that crap to Spiderman). And you’re definitely not here to “Save the world.”
You are here… to live your life!