In April 2010, I conducted a personality development course for B.Tech students at Subharti University, Meerut.
It was the last session of the day, and we were discussing self-love.
“Self-love is the most important thing in human life,” I said. “No matter what, unless you love yourself, nothing can change for you. As human beings, we need a reference point to work from. And making self-love the central theme of life does help.”
“And remember,” I added, “life is not neutral. You can’t say, ‘I don’t love myself, but I don’t hate myself either.’ It doesn’t work that way.”
“If you don’t love yourself, then you hate yourself. You can be sure of it.”
That’s where I rested my case.
As I spoke about loving oneself in such absolute terms, a student—a young boy—started crying.
It disturbed me. It was probably the first time I had seen a male student cry openly in a classroom.
I looked at him and asked, “Why are you crying?”
“Sir,” he said, “I haven’t done anything in life yet. I’m a student. My parents pay for everything. I don’t even have a job. And you’re asking me to love myself. Don’t you think that’s a bit too much?”
I smiled and said a few comforting words. I don’t remember exactly what I said.
But he had a point.
And at that time, it didn’t quite sit right with me either.
Back then, I believed—like most people do—that self-love was reserved for the fortunate ones. Students with excellent grades. People with lucrative careers. Couples with happy marriages.
They could love themselves. They had earned it.
That belief stayed with me for years. Almost thirty.
And that student wasn’t alone.
Most of us look down on self-love. We’ve been conditioned to believe that unless we become somebody, we have no right to love ourselves.
So the question arises:
Does self-love need to be earned?
Can you not love yourself before you achieve something?
Why Liking and Admiring Yourself Matters
And why is self-love even important?
Why can’t you live without it?
Because life, by its very nature, is expansion. Expansion brings color, vibrancy, and a sense that life is worth living.
When you expand and share, you feel alive.
And you can feel truly alive only when you are in deep love with yourself—not before.
Have you noticed this?
When you’re in a good mood, you want to go out and share your joy. When you’re depressed, frustrated, or angry, you shut the doors and want to be left alone.
That isolation you crave when you feel low is mild self-hatred.
And hatred has a peculiar quality—it contracts. It wants to destroy. First others. Then itself.
“But won’t loving myself make me narcissistic?” you might ask.
No.
Self-love doesn’t create narcissism. The opposite does.
When you try to love others without loving yourself first, that love becomes an act. A performance. It lacks substance.
And people sense that—sooner or later.
The chaos we see in society today isn’t rooted only in injustice, communal hatred, or lack of opportunity. It runs deeper.
Its real root is the absence of self-love.
You want to change the world?
Make it better?
Feel good?
Start here.
Love yourself.
Even if you haven’t built a career yet.
Even if you haven’t achieved anything remarkable.
Love yourself anyway.
Ignore what others say. Loving yourself is a sign of maturity and inner growth. Without it, a person remains psychologically immature—no matter how accomplished they appear.
Real maturity begins with acceptance and self-love.
Why the Absence of Self-Love Is Harmful
The lack of self-love seeps into every area of life.
How you see yourself.
Your relationships.
Your career.
Your ability to earn and sustain money.
It affects everything.
And if you haven’t loved yourself until now, don’t lose heart. Don’t assume it’s too late.
Imagine a room where no candle has been lit for ten years.
Does darkness get to argue that it deserves to stay?
No.
The moment you light a candle, darkness disappears. Light and darkness never meet. They don’t coexist.
In the same way, the moment self-love enters, self-hatred loses its grip.
I’ve seen this firsthand.
The moment I started liking, appreciating, and loving myself, things began to change. Earlier, I was afraid to open up in front of others. Slowly, I began to step into the open—calmer, more composed, more respectful toward myself and others.
Even as I write this, a faint voice at the back of my head whispers, “Who do you think you are?”
Well.
I am who I am.
And today, I urge you to be who you are.
I’m not saying you must first eliminate self-hatred and then start loving yourself.
Don’t fight it.
Let it be.
Start a parallel stream—a stream of love, appreciation, and admiration.
Admire even your self-hatred. Accept that too.
Self-love is the master key.
It’s time you used it.