Accept yourself and live life to the fullest.
That’s the dream, right?
Well, it’s possible. But before we discuss how to accept yourself, let’s talk about why you want to accept yourself, anyway.
Why can’t you live your life not accepting yourself? Why can’t you hate and despise and loathe every bit about yourself and still live? What’s wrong with that?
Nothing, except that it feels kind of disgusting.
When you live in a state of rejection, you can never be at ease. You always feel torn apart and life feels like a burden. (You know that feeling.)
But it’s not like you can’t manage.
It’s not that hard. You can still function. Millions do.
You can stay alive. Excel at your workplace and make a career for yourself. You can get married and produce children.
You don’t need to accept yourself unless you want to feel joyful. And joy is possible only when you’re relaxed.
And guess what? You can start relaxing within your being once you accept yourself.
Also, here’s the thing: When you don’t accept yourself, you’re bound to compare yourself with others.
Comparison breeds competition and competition leads to jealousy. And jealousy burns everything inside you. How can you be at ease when you’re insecure and jealous? Even when you perform better than the rest in your field, you don’t feel satisfied. On the surface, you look successful, even happy to other people. But inside…you know you are not happy.
What Can You Do to Accept Yourself?
Alright, so what to do?
The very first thing to understand is: Don’t be hard on yourself. You’re not alone. We all feel jealous and insecure at times.
But why does this happen?
For the simple reason that you have been condemned so much. The system, society, and your parents have told you so many times that you must become somebody, that you must achieve something. In case you fail, you’re not worthy of self-acceptance. And this negative conditioning has gone so deep in our psyche that only a handful of people find the courage to live with total self-acceptance. The rest of us are doomed to constant suffering, self-torture, and an inferiority complex.
The truth is that nobody likes to feel inferior. Nobody likes to hear that they’re not good enough. It’s insulting and inhumane.
So, when you feel the push to be successful like others, (and you believe that you don’t have what it takes), what do you do? You start “copying” the “successful” people.
And there lies a problem. You see, when you imitate someone you admire, you may gain on the outside but you lose yourself—you lose your individuality. Rejecting yourself and trying to become someone else can never bring you peace. Self-love and acceptance are the only ways to experience joy.
And you know what is the greatest joy in the world?
It’s creativity.
When your energy flows towards creating something, it makes you feel joyful. Have you noticed how people throw dishes, toss papers, or yell at others when they are angry? It’s because, in moments of rage, their life energy wants to “destroy.” Destruction is the exact opposite of creativity.
Now the question is, how can you invite creativity into your life? Well, every time you feel at ease with yourself, you’re already in creative mode.
Ease invites creativity, and creativity brings joy.
Why Do You Want to Feel Joyful?
But why do you need joy, anyway? What if you’re not joyful? Can pleasure work as a substitute for joy?
Well, joy and pleasure are two different things, even diametrically opposite. Anybody can have pleasure, In fact, almost everybody has their own fair share of pleasures every day. The pleasure of eating good food. Making love. Driving a car. Or partying till late at night.
Pleasure depends upon something outside, while joy originates within your being. Or you can say that pleasure is bound to your body while joy bubbles up from your heart.
Self-acceptance brings energy to the heart and when the heart starts functioning, everything changes. Heart-to-heart connection is what people crave. And that’s the reason when you talk to somebody from your heart, it connects on a deeper level.
Now, heart and creativity are interconnected. And by creativity, I don’t mean that only artists, painters, dancers, voice actors, and singers are creative people. Creativity has nothing to do with the outer expression. It’s a quality of doing an act with love and relaxation. So, you may be making tea, washing your car, or watering plants in your home garden, anything can be creative if done with heart.
When there’s no goal, the act in itself is important. The moment a goal enters your mind, creativity gets blocked. Then, it’s no longer creativity but manipulation.
So get clear if you really want to accept yourself, or are you just curious? Is it like, let’s do this and see what happens?
Be clear about it.
Once you’ve made up your mind, then be playful about it. Don’t “try” to accept yourself. Because the moment you “try,” it goes wrong. Trying to make things happen is a kind of rape. It never works. And that’s the reason why affirmations seldom work.
Do Affirmations Really Work?
Affirmations are a simple and yet very effective self-help tool. If used wisely, you can get outstanding results within days.
Just affirm, “I accept myself the way I am” a couple of times daily, and soon you’ll be on your way to self-acceptance.
But here’s a catch: Affirmations work when you’re already feeling positive and uplifted. If you use an affirmation while in a state of doubt, it’ll backfire because your focus will be on the negative core belief that you want to counter. And the law of attraction says that which you give your attention to, expands.
So, yes, affirmations do work when used in an uplifted mood, not when you’re feeling grumpy.
What to Do Before You Use Affirmations?
Acknowledge your feelings.
Find a quiet room where you can spend 15 minutes alone. Close your eyes and ask yourself, “How do I feel about myself?”
Acknowledging how you feel is crucial. Most of the time, we don’t know how we feel, and we don’t even want to know. Because we fear that we might not like what we find within ourselves. That’s why embracing how we feel is a very hard thing to do. But unless you face your demons, you cannot get free of them. So, look within and see how you feel about yourself, and no matter how you feel, acknowledge that this is how you feel.
You might encounter shame, guilt, fear, or hatred. Whatever the feeling, be one with it—become that feeling.
Let’s say you are ashamed of yourself (for whatever reasons). Fine. Then be the shame. Don’t run away from it. Don’t say this is “shame” and this is “me.” Become the shame itself.
Most of the time, neither do we acknowledge our happiness nor do we embrace the sadness. Most of the time we remain in “denial mode.” We don’t want to face reality because facing what’s inside us is painful. But the way you feel is a fact, and unless you embrace the facts, nothing will change.
Take note of how you feel and don’t try to run away from it (or change it). The idea here is not to change something. If you feel inferior, become one with it, become inferiority itself.
And what if you don’t want to accept that you’re feeling inferior? Fine. Be one with that feeling too. Say to yourself that you’re feeling inferior and you don’t want to accept that you’re feeling that way.
Accept yourself as you are. Become friends with whatever is inside you. Hold its hands. Become one with it.
15 minutes. That’s all you need. 🙂