“Helping others and… selfishness?!”
“What does selfishness have to do with helping others?”
“And what’s this: Is it good to help others?! What kind of question is that? What could possibly go wrong if I help people?” you’re wondering.
Well, what if I told you that you shouldn’t help others? What if I told you that helping people is an utter waste of time? And what if I told you that you should focus on being selfish, instead?
Would you be surprised?
Alright… hold on for a moment, and tell me one thing:
Did you ever imagine coming across such a silly question (as silly as it gets):
Is it Good to Help Others?
Most probably not.
But I asked this silly, or rather “stupid” question, anyway. And now you’re upset. Simply because it hurts, right?
I understand.
Well, stay with me and I’ll clarify.
Truth is, I know you love helping others. And I really wish there was some other way to say it (I swear to God), but dammit, there isn’t any! And to be honest with you, I was shit-scared that you might hate me for saying this, but I had to take it off of my chest—for a simple, straightforward reason:
I just couldn’t lie to you (unlike so many others).
So please forgive me for being blunt, but here’s the plain, naked truth: helping others in need is the stupidest thing one can do.
Now… am I trying to insult you, mock you, or undermine your “how to help others” intentions?
Are you kidding? Of course, not.
I know you have a heart full of love and compassion. And you’re so keen to help others that you’ve earned the nickname, “very helpful guy.” Because you believe that helping others and happiness are two aspects of the same coin. So much so that people know they can rely on you whenever they need help—with anything.
For example:
Your cousin can borrow your bike anytime he wishes. Your friends can ask you for money whenever they need to. And your classmates can phone you at even 2 in the morning if they need your help to focus on their studies.
People consider you the most helpful guy around, and rightly so. You’re always eager to help family, friends, and classmates… even strangers. In fact, you are always looking for ways to help others.
But quite often, you wonder why you aren’t as successful as others—why your “good karma” is not rewarding you. In other words, why are you getting nothing in return despite helping others?
“Maybe it’s just luck. Not everybody can be super successful, right?” you console yourself. But deep down in your heart, you know you’re lying to yourself.
What if your “helping nature” is your own worst enemy? What if “success” demands that you do certain things differently? And what if you’re avoiding the very thing you need to embrace?
Let me explain.
Want Success? Be Selfish
The truth is, if you truly care about being successful, then you must be willing to embrace “selfishness.”
“Does that mean I should become a selfish person?”
Yes, haven’t you heard the saying, “In a selfish world, the selfish succeed?”
“No, I can’t do that.”
Don’t you want to be successful?
“I do . . . but…”
“Man, I don’t know. I mean, becoming selfish to achieve success seems wrong.”
Wrong?! Well… I get it. I know where are you coming from. Let me explain what it actually means to be selfish. And then you can decide if selfishness is right for you or not.
What Does “Being Selfish” Mean?
It simply means that you take care of your needs, desires, and wants, first. You do what you think is right for you without caring (much) what others think of you.
That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less.
A selfish person takes good care of his body, mind, and soul. He knows that he’s not here to fix the world, help others, or sacrifice himself so others can thrive. In other words, he does not suffer from The Savior Syndrome. You know who a savior is, right? A person who tries to save others and eventually fails to save even himself.
An individual with a healthy sense of self knows that the only way to help others (without even doing it) is to be joyful. He knows that he cannot give joy to anyone unless he enjoys his own life first. He realizes that the only way to lead people is to “lead by example.”
So, that’s my definition of being selfish.
Now, it doesn’t matter who told you that it’s your job to help people.
Because it’s not.
If some “help” happens on its own, good. But if no such thing happens, that’s good too. You cannot take responsibility for other people’s actions, anyway.
To put it in the words of Abraham Hicks:
“Don’t try to save the world. Save yourself.”
When you help others, you focus on the lack of something—that’s why people need help, to begin with, because they don’t have a certain thing, right?
(The Law of Attraction says that what you pay your attention to, gets bigger.)
So when you’re helping others, you’re focusing on something missing, something that’s absent. And, as a result, you create more lack, more misfortune, and more circumstances where people need more and more help. In other words, the more you help people, the more people need help. It’s a vicious circle.
The good news?
You can come out of it—by embracing selfishness.
“If I Must Be Selfish to Get Successful, Why Do People Condemn Selfishness?”
Because they want to use you.
The thing is: When people say it’s wrong to be selfish, what they’re actually saying is that you should not focus on making yourself happy. Rather, you should do everything you possibly can to make them happy.
(It’s like, “Oh, you wanna jerk off. Great! Me too. Here… use mine instead of yours.”)
That’s some screwed-up logic right there, Chief. And that’s not all—there’s more to it…
The reason why you look down upon selfishness is because you believe that being selfish and being mean are the same thing. Well, guess what? They aren’t.
Selfish Vs. Mean
A selfish person focuses on himself—he has no intention to take advantage of people.
But a mean person focuses (most of the time) on others. He’s always willing to exploit others to get what he wants.
Let me clarify.
A selfish person depends upon himself. His total focus remains on his upliftment and has nothing to do with other people. On the other hand, a mean person cannot survive on his own because his existence depends on others. He needs other people so he can use them for personal gains.
Clear enough?
Does Selfishness Make You Uncomfortable?
Look: I understand why you’re unwilling to become selfish. It’s because you were conditioned against selfishness. Correct me if I’m wrong. You feel guilty the moment you think of becoming selfish.
Well, guess what? It’s normal to feel uncomfortable about being selfish, at least in a country like ours—Bharat, where most people hold sacrificing one’s own life for others as “sacred” or “noble.”
For example:
Sacrifice your life for your family, your religion, and your country. Just don’t focus on yourself. Do something for others—even die serving others if that’s what it takes.
Now, think about it for a moment:
You’re being convinced that it’s okay to sacrifice your happiness, your joy, and even your life for others. Can you see the hidden message here?
The message is: You don’t matter.
Otherwise, why isn’t anybody asking you to live? Like really live—with joy, bliss, and happiness.
I’ll tell you why.
Because people need scapegoats to fulfill their agendas, satisfy their vested interests, and achieve their own ambitions.
That’s exactly what this game is all about.
Now, I know embracing selfishness goes against traditional values. But just think for a moment: the fact is that your world exists because of you. The day you cease to exist, your world ceases to exist, too. Therefore, you are the most important person in your life. So, take good, and I mean, very good care of yourself.
Helping Others and Being Selfish
Do you want to change the world? Help others? Make a difference?
I have some bad news for you.
You can’t.
For the simple reason:
The world does not want you to change it. It does not need your help.
And even if it did, you could not have helped it anyway. Because you cannot control how people behave. You cannot take responsibility for others’ actions. And you cannot force others to behave in a way to your liking.
That’s where free will comes in.
You see, happiness is valuable as long as you have the freedom to choose sadness. Forcing someone to stay happy all their lives violates the concept of free will, the right to choose how one wants to live. And guess what? People have the right to live their lives as they see fit. And so do you.
You are free to try changing the world and stay miserable all your life if that’s what you want. Or: you can focus on changing yourself because the only person you can control is you. When you change, when you become joyful, then, without even knowing it, you raise the vibration of people around you.
But you can’t do it.
It happens on its own.
Instead of “Helping Others,” How About Inspiring Them?
I understand if you still won’t give up helping people because offering help to others can be addictive. And for a good reason:
When you help somebody, you feel good. Your ego strengthens. You start believing you’re unique—an extraordinary person, a special soul. And if you introspect, you’ll realize that helping others is kind of sadistic. It’s more about taking pleasure in someone’s pain than helping them get rid of the pain itself (hard words, I know).
If you truly want to help others, then instead of offering a helping hand, inspire them by becoming selfish.
Help yourself. Work on yourself. Uplift yourself. Let your joy be an example for others to follow.
In other words, don’t sell it to them. Let them buy it.
Helping Others and Success Don’t Go Together
You can choose to ignore that selfishness is key to success and instead believe that it is good to help others, but it will do you no good.
It never has.
Selfishness or helping others? The choice is yours.
Now, if you choose to embrace selfishness then keep in mind that it takes time to get comfortable with the idea of being selfish. But it gets easier if you stay at it.
The last thing I want to say to you is this:
You’re not here to help people. Or to become a “hero” (leave that crap to Spider-Man). And you’re definitely not here to “save the world.”
You are here to… live your life.