Imagine:
Curling up in a corner of the room to avoid the leaking roof and getting wet.
Shivering in freezing cold because you can’t afford a room heater.
Battling an empty, growling stomach for days in a row because you don’t have a job.
Wouldn’t you want to get out of such shit life?
You bet.
That’s what desire is in its simplest form. An unceasing urge, not just to survive, but to live.
Here, a question arises: Why do we desire anyway?
Well, simply because without desire, human evolution would be pointless. Why would you try to improve upon yourself if you don’t wish to do so? What’s the point of “existing” if you don’t have a desire per se? It’s so clear and so “in front of our eyes,” and yet, most of us crave a state of non-desire. In other words, we want to be desire-free.
And why wouldn’t we? After all, that’s what we’re being conditioned to believe.
They say that desire brings pain, suffering, and misery. And it’d be nicer if we had no desires, to begin with.
Well, guess what?
Being desireless is not the same as being desire-free. The former is a state of despondency and signifies a lost case, while the latter symbolizes freedom.
But that “freedom” comes with a price—letting go of the desire to live. Because to desire is equal to wanting to live.
If you’re alive and kicking, and have no plans to die anytime soon, then what business do you have to achieve a desire-free state? Or a desireless state for that matter?
And let me ask you this:
What makes you think living in a desireless state would be the golden benchmark of living a glorious, peaceful, satisfying life—a life full of long sunny days with nothing to do?
Is It Possible to Live Without Desire?
Let me share an experience I had way back in 1997.
It was the time when I experimented with intense meditation practice.
One evening, after having my dinner, I lay down, not for sleeping, but just like that. And within seconds, something unusual happened. I relaxed completely. It was the first of its kind, a delicious relaxation that I had never felt before. My body felt heavy, very heavy—like a stone trying to push against the bed. But that’s not the unusual part. The more unusual thing was that all of my “desires for the future” vanished. I had no desire left, not even a single one—no ambitions, no plans, no dreams, nothing.
And then I noticed another interesting thing: as soon as the desire for the future vanished, the complaints about the past also evaporated. It was like both the future and the past were two ends of the same string.
The future and the past both ceased to exist, leaving me there, in the present moment like a rock, lying on the bed. Time stopped for those 3-4 minutes. Those moments of desirelessness, or should I say the moments of being “desire-free” were the moments of death. I had no thoughts, no mind, not even a tingle. Everything stood still. It was horrifying.
The people who say that one should live without desire have no idea what it feels like to be in a desireless state. Otherwise, they wouldn’t blurt such irresponsible words.
Those couple of minutes were nothing short of being dead. They were the most relaxing and yet the most uncomfortable moments of my life. That day I experienced how a desireless state feels like.
But I understand why people crave a desire-free life. Mostly it comes from their failure to achieve their life goals. And when people fail to realize their aim in life, they conclude that it’s far better to live a desire-free life than desiring something and then experiencing the disappointment of not having it.
And that’s not all.
They read about it. Other people (who have no idea what it means) talk about it. The “spiritual gurus” boasts about being “desirefree.” And the whole society gets influenced and starts fantasizing about the state of being desire-free. It’s the epitome of life, they say.
Let’s say one day you wake up and notice there’s no desire within you. How long do you think you’d be able to live in such a “freeing” state of mind? What would be your motivation to even get out of bed? Why would you go to work? And in the end, why would you want to even exist? What’s the point? If there’s no desire, what would you do? And why?
The Wanting and Human Evolution
My theory is that desire is the basis of all human evolution. We are where we are because desiring things, situations, and improvements are hard-wired into our nature. It’s a survival mechanism. Remember the story “The Last Leaf” by O. Henry? The story tells of two girls, Johnsy and Sue, living together. Johnsy fell sick and identified herself with the leaves on a tree branch visible from their window. “When the last one falls, I must go, too,” Johnsy affirms to Sue.
Now, one could argue what a leaf has to do with someone dying. But that’s not the point. That last leaf symbolizes Johnsy’s will to live. She knew in her heart that as soon as that last leaf would fall, she’d be gone forever.
But the will to live is not the same as the desire to live.
Will is when you dare to keep on living despite challenging circumstances all around you.
Desire is simply a longing to live. And I feel that the will to live can be inculcated, can be developed by arguing that one should live because the world is so beautiful (which it is). But the desire to live is something that comes from some unknown depth of our being. It emerges out of nowhere, out of nothingness.
Life would not be possible if it were not for our innate hardwired nature to desire. It doesn’t matter what is it that you desire. The fact that you “desire” is enough to keep you going. The state of desirelessness that we so crave is not something to be acquired because desire is life and desirelessness is death (figuratively).
I know because I experienced it firsthand.
The argument about living a desire-free life is that desires create agony and anxiety, and make us suffer.
Not true.
Desire Doesn’t Create Misery
The misery and suffering that you experience is not because of the desires, but because you lack clarity about what you truly desire. Unless you clarify, you’ll continue to suffer. It’s the vagueness, the ambiguity, and the confusion that creates misery. Heck, I am so convinced about it that I am willing to connect the unquenchable thirst for drugs and liquor and porn to the state of unclarity—a state of not knowing what one really want.
People aren’t clear about what they want from life, and that directionlessness is eating them up from the inside. And as a result, their minds are in deep turmoil and anguish.
Now, here’s the thing:
Nobody likes being anxious. That’s why Instagram surfing, video gaming, liquor, and porn addiction are at an all-time high. It’s an escape route for us to soothe ourselves, to get (though temporary) relief from the never-ending misery.
Don’t hanker for a desireless or desire-free life. It’s a utopian idea (which is not even practical unless you’re a spiritual seeker).
Instead of trying to get into the groove of desirelessness, focus on clarifying your desires.
Most of the time we have a vague idea of what we actually want. Social media, mainstream media, newspapers, peers, motivational speakers —they all have their versions of what we should and should not desire. But I am suggesting that your life is yours to decide. Nobody can decide for you. You can never be fulfilled unless you live by your very own standards.
So don’t kill your desires, rather, clarify what you want.
Clarify What You Truly Desire
Here’s a small process you can use.
Find a comfortable spot that’s distraction-free. Keep your mobile phone away or turn it off. Allow yourself 15-20 minutes. Take a diary. Now, write down what you think you desire. It could be a single desire or multiple ones. Once you write down every desire of yours on paper (no matter how silly they may appear), new doors will open for you.
Writing everything down on the paper is the first step. Once done with the writing part, take a good look at whatever you have written. Now, close your eyes and ask yourself: What do I want? What is it that I truly crave? What makes my heart go bonkers? And then wait.
You might or might not get the answer in the first try. Keep repeating the process for a couple of more days. At first, you might get a vague idea of what you want. Then with a couple more days of investing your time in the process, things will get clearer. Once you have a crystal clear idea of what is that you want, take the second step. The second step is to ask yourself how you may go about fulfilling that desire.
Whatever answer comes to you from within, write it down on paper.
Remember, your mind is the greatest tool that ever existed. Learn to use it to bring clarity to your life. It can happen only when you muster the courage to acknowledge your deep-seated desires that are lurking in the dark.
Acknowledge your desires. Bring them out in the open, let them breathe in the fresh air, allow them to bask in the sun.
Let them take shape and direct you toward the bliss that’s rightfully yours.
It’s clarity that you secretly desire, not being desireless.
Agreed, living without desires would be freeing. But then, the desire to live without desires is also a desire.
Think about it.