Fear of losing someone you love is driving you insane.
It’s giving you terrible nightmares, because let’s face it: Nothing could be more tormenting than being afraid of losing the person you love!
Quite often, you wake up in the middle of the night—drenched in sweat.
Your breath goes out of control, your hands shake like leaves on a stormy night, and your heart pounds so loud you can almost hear it. Reason? The dreaded nightmare:
You two were lying in bed, all cozy and warm. Her breath was tingling the skin on your shoulders, and her giggles were tinkering bells in your ears. And what to say about those curves? Their mere touch on your chest was driving you crazy.
You noticed a dark figure in the corner of the room.
Wait! What was that?
Oh! God, it looked like a monster.
That scary-looking monster figure moved forward—she looked at it and screamed—it grabbed her hand…dragged her to the window…and…
S M A S H!
The window glass broke into pieces, and that scary figure, still grabbing her hand, disappeared, flying into the sky.
The Fear of Losing Someone You Love Dearly Materialized Itself
And you lost her—the love of your life—the girl who was everything to you.
But that was just a dream. Unreal, right?
Even “unreal” things are significant when you’re in love—they do mean something.
What if your nightmares are trying to tell you something? What if that monster was your very own fear? And what if the beast, who snatched away your love, had something to do with you?
Let me explain.
The fact is, you are afraid of losing your love since day one.
Of course, you pretended not to notice it. You ignored it on purpose because you didn’t want to ruin the romantic moments you were having with the love of your life. But now, the fear that you have been suppressing for so long has finally raised its ugly head.
So, the question is:
Why the hell are you afraid of losing her?
Why Are You Afraid of Losing Your Love?
Do you want to know why you are shit scared of losing the girl you love?
Well, it might be a little difficult to swallow, but here you go:
Because you feel you’re not good enough.
I know. Hard to accept. But bear with me for a while, and I’ll explain.
The feeling of not being good enough has its roots in your childhood. When you were little, you noticed that your parents, teachers, relatives—everybody approved of you when you:
- Scored distinction in your exams.
- Earned a trophy in the school dance competition.
- Did what you were told to do.
In other words, when you conform to the standards set by others. And by and by, you started relating love with success. You started to believe that you can get love only if you’re successful and nobody likes losers.
And the worst part?
Success Means Different Things to Different People
You may think that a particular career is best for you. And yet, your parents may believe that you’ve gone cuckoo.
For them, your choice may appear as the world’s craziest, dumbest, and most nonsensical thing.
Let’s say you wanted to study Paleontology, but your parents disapproved of it. To them, wandering in cannibal-infested woods to uncover pre-historic life forms was simply stupid. It turned out they wanted you to become an engineer.
And you stopped eating.
Heck, you even threatened them with suicide.
Ultimately, you had to surrender.
Now, who surrenders?
A loser, right?
So, you started believing that you were a loser. You lost faith in yourself, and you started doubting if you’re worthy of anything at all. By and by, that doubt turned into self-hatred.
“I am a loser. How can I be worthy of love?”
Life Works in Mysterious Ways
But then, a strange thing happened: you found a girl who fell in love with you.
She wrapped her arms around you, looked into your eyes, and said, “I love you.”
And you smiled.
But you were thinking in your head, “How can somebody love a loser? No, something isn’t right.”
Your doubt and self-hatred didn’t let you believe in her love. You suspected that she was just playing with your emotions. And as a result, you began to expect your love affair to shatter to pieces anytime soon.
This unconscious belief of losing your love is the root cause of the fear you’re battling now.
So, is that it? Is there no way out? Wouldn’t it be helpful if you knew how to overcome the fear of losing someone you love? Can’t you do something about the fear of losing someone in a relationship?
Of course, you can! And that’s what this article is about.
Let’s get started with the first tip.
1. Acknowledge: “The Fear of Losing Someone I Love Is REAL!”
Have you ever noticed the behavior of little children?
Usually, they stay busy with their toys and stuff. But as soon as guests arrive and their parents get busy talking, the children get anxious.
They try to shove their art files in the guests’ faces. Make noises. Throw tantrums and whatnot.
For a simple reason:
Like any human, they, too, crave attention. And the more they notice it’s not coming, the harder they try. They get to relax only after they get it.
The same is the case with your fear—it’s craving your attention. It wants you to acknowledge its presence.
You’ve been busy paying attention to other things and have never acknowledged this fear. In fact, you denied its very presence. But, it will keep eating up your energy unless it gets what it wants—acknowledgment.
So, what to do?
Simple. Acknowledge it.
Close your eyes. Take three deep breaths. Relax.
Now, accept that you’re afraid of losing your love. Admit that you’re fearful. And address the fear with respect. Speak to it like you’re talking to your best friend.
You may say something like this:
“My dear fear, I know I have denied your presence so far. I refused to accept that I was afraid of losing my love. But now I’ve realized it was a mistake. So, I acknowledge you. I admit that I am scared.”
Why does it work?
Because the moment you address the fear instead of running away from it, it starts losing its power.
2. Release the Fear
Acknowledging was the first step towards coping with the fear of losing your love.
Now, the second step is to release it.
Here’s a simple process to help you do it:
Get a pen and paper. Sit in a quiet place where you can remain undisturbed for the next 30-40 minutes. Now start describing your fear in detail. Write whatever comes to your mind. Here are some pointers to help you:
- How am I feeling about my love life at present?
- What makes me think I am going to lose my love?
- What’s the worst that could happen if I lost my girlfriend?
The key is to write whatever comes to your mind, even the irrelevant things. Keep writing. Go with the flow—let the fear come out in all its ugliness. Let the fear dance on the paper. And when you feel you have nothing more to write, stop.
Breathe deeply and take a good look at the paper. And then, mark a cross across it, and tear it into pieces while repeating, “I release you.”
Throw the bits in the dustbin.
Rinse and repeat this process until you feel completely free.
3. Unburden Yourself by Sharing the Fear
How to get over the fear of losing someone you love?
Simple! Share the fear. Do you know why?
Because emotions are magical—when shared, happy emotions multiply, and sad ones are cut into halves.
Sharing is a practical way to lighten the burden of the fear you have about losing your love.
You can share your feelings with:
a family member, a friend, a classmate, or anybody else you trust.
I understand that, at times, it may not be possible. What do you do then?
Ever heard of Trees?
Yes, I did say “trees.”
Now, I can almost hear you thinking, “What? Trees? Is this guy nuts?”
No, thank you. I am alright. 🙂
Can You Really Share Your Feelings With Trees?
I know it’s hard to accept that we can share our feelings with something as weird as a tree.
But, the truth is:
Nature is the most powerful healer in the world. It can heal even the deepest wounds and make you whole again. You can share your pain, your sorrows, and your hopes with a tree. Connecting with a tree is a therapeutic process.
And the best part?
A tree won’t judge you. It will listen to you without interrupting you or offering “advice.” And that’s exactly what you need right now—somebody who’d listen to your story, right?
Here’s how to do it:
Go to a park, countryside, or woods and choose a tree that feels right. Don’t worry; you’ll know when you see it.
Sit under it.
Take some deep breaths. Relax. Feel the tree’s roots with your hands. Feel its energy. And when you’re ready, speak. Pour your heart out. Let your fear express itself. Empty yourself.
Speak whatever you want to because the tree is not going to laugh at you. It will be there for you, listening to you with love.
Once you’ve expressed your true feelings, you shall feel light, and relaxed. As if a burden is lifted off of your shoulders.
Expressing yourself is important as it can help you see the situation from a new vantage point. And, as a bonus, you may get guidance from the tree spirit (trees are living beings—with thousands of years of wisdom running through them).
If you’re lucky enough to receive any insights from the tree, act upon them. No matter how weird they may appear at the moment.
4. Love Yourself
Remember, the world treats you the way you treat yourself. If you love yourself, you’re bound to attract love because that’s what you’re vibrating (Law of attraction, anyone?)
So, love yourself.
It’s the most crucial step to raising your self-worth.
And as my Guru Acharya Shree Rajneesh (Osho) says:
When you love yourself, your self-faith gets stronger, making you feel worthy of more and more love.
Here’s a simple exercise (do this first thing in the morning and before going to bed):
Stand in front of a mirror.
Look into your eyes and say to yourself, “I love you” seven times. And say it as you mean it.
Do this continuously for twenty-one days, and soon you shall notice a slight shift in your attitude—you’ll start feeling kinder and more loving towards yourself.
5. Deepen Your Trust in Life
I won’t lie to you: losing the person you love is a possibility.
And that’s why it’s only natural to be afraid of losing someone you love.
See, the thing is: there can be no guarantees in life because anything can happen.
Can you lose your love? Of course, you can. Shit happens all the time.
That’s what life is, my dear friend—unpredictable.
Nobody can say what’s going to happen tomorrow.
So, here’s the thing:
If you want to live joyfully, trust life. Because life always takes you in the right direction if you allow it.
Here is a simple technique to deepen your trust in life:
Sit in a comfortable position or lie down. Close your eyes. Take three deep breaths and relax.
Give up fighting. Surrender. Let go.
Accept your life as it is—at this very moment. Stay with the feeling of letting go for 10-15 minutes. And when you feel complete, open your eyes.
Then later in the day, recall the same feeling you’ve had while you were in the state of letting go, in the state of allowing. The more you recall that peaceful feeling, the more peaceful circumstances you will encounter in your life.
Remember the sutra: “Jaisi Drishti, Vaisi Srishti” (as within, so without).
In other words, the things you pay attention to… expand. If you complain about how fearful you are, the Universe will give you more fear so you can complain more.
And, if you focus your attention on the peace you feel, you’ll receive more and more peace.
Life has its own course, its own flow.
You can fight with the stream of life and stay miserable. Or you can trust it and spend your days in bliss.
True, the fear of losing someone in a relationship is REAL, and you can do almost nothing to stop the person you love from leaving you, but you can surely stop living in fear.
So, cherish your share of romantic moments while you still can.
Because there’s no tomorrow.